Comments - #177: New friends - by Haley Nahman

May 2024 ยท 2 minute read

Making friends is actually my key skill in life. I'm 35, moved to a different country once and city 3 times since I've been an adult. So I've done it a bunch and now I'm confident! My key tips:

1) "friends for a reason and friends for a season"- a saying we all know about our more fleeting friendships but around a specific incident. Don't make the mistake of thinking purpose inspired friendships aren't "real" during or after them- they're still a gift, to be treasured, valued and grateful for.

2) if you are somewhere new and you want to make friends, you have to humble yourself and also not become bitter. The people there probably feel they have enough friends and aren't actively seeking friendship. No worries! It doesn't mean they won't take it when it comes. It just means you have to be on the front foot, making the effort at the start.

3) make friends around shared activities (work or hobbies) or, most easily, I found, around having kids. When you meet someone you want to be friends with, be chatty and interested. If the conversation lulls, ask a question about themselves ("so did you go to school around here?/ What was it like growing up on a farm?/ How do you like your area of work?").

4) be forthcoming to ask would they like to get coffee sometime. It's not as weird or embarrassing as you think it is.

5) the first solo hang out will probably be a little awkward. It doesn't mean the friendship is doomed. It is just something new! Once you're past the initial meeting stages, things get easier. Don't give up now.

6) in saying that- don't give everything to brand new friendships. If it turns out you're not compatible, you want enough caution that you can drift apart naturally.

7) the first person who is very friendly in a new town, is a psycho. That's the rule. I stand by it.

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