“And this same mind of yours
That has pulled you
Back to
The worst of things
Is the same mind
That is capable
Of remembering the better things.”
Morgan Harper Nichols
The past week I have spent sleeping. And I mean really sleeping more than I have in my entire life. I took a week to go to a trusted friend’s house, and despite children telling me prolonged stories and asking a plethora of questions, I spent more hours in the bed than out of it. I took stock of my body and mind because I was worried about how tired I had become. In my silence, I realized that I had become weary down to my very bones. Too many activities, too little encouragement/connection with those who love me, had left my body in a desperate state. So. I agreed to let it rest and promised to do better.
As my body and soul rested, I felt the faint glimmers of gratitude for this life that I am cultivating. No it is not perfect (clearly) but it is mine. Every day I seek to make choices that are for my well-being and growth. There have been many days in my past where that wasn’t the case. I have people who love me and call me by my name, seeing me for who I am. Slowly, I have climbed out of the poverty that I was born into. My house is filled with books. In high school, I desperately wanted running shoes like my other friends and now I have a few pairs. I have enough tea to last an apocalypse. I sit and play the piano whenever I desire. The shy kid who was afraid to talk has thousands of people read his work and listen to his podcasts. Phew! Even exhausted, I realize that this life that I am living is better than I could ever have expected.
And so I cry here.
Gratitude isn’t automatic and it ain’t easy.
Who loves you?
I give you the gift of this grounding practice that has helped me enter into gratitude. This question has also helped me when my emotions begin to swirl. A seminary professor years ago did a contemplative prayer around this exercise and he asked us to take a deep breath and to allow any images or names to float to our minds as we gently asked ourselves this question. Who loves you?
And so, as you go about this week, perhaps you can take time to cultivate glimmers of gratitude. You deserve it.
A prayer on Easter Sunday for those who don’t feel welcome in the church
These feelings that you have are real.
Sacred.
And all of those memories that you have
places where you were ignored
times where your macro and micro griefs
were not honored
are a painful reminder of loss.
And so today I pray for a love that you can touch
points of connection that will lift your soul
beauty in unexpected places.
One last thing that touched me this week is this podcast interview that featured Dr. Yolanda Pierce:
Thank you for reading Musings From A Broken Heart. This post is public so feel free to share it.
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