(Scroll down to see the actual data if you don’t care about the details)
I’ve conducted several prior surveys on household inequality, and results from those surveys informed my efforts on this latest survey. Here are links to the previous surveys:
I also listened to feedback from my readers. Some important points to keep in mind include:
This is not a scientific survey with a representative sample. I don’t have the resources for that. But many, many surveys—including some published in scientific journals—use unrepresentative samples. So I consider this a starting point for research, not the final word. Don’t treat it as the final word.
I suspect that my audience skews strongly in two directions: I have more readers who are strongly feminist and who have left shitty spouses and/or who demand more from their spouses. I also have a ton of readers in profoundly bad marriages. I don’t know if the two cancel one another out. But there is a strong pull in favor of bad marriages and in favor of feminist ones among my readership.
I’ve tried to deliver the results in several different formats. I’m including a number of images for people who prefer to take in information in this format. These are designed to be shareable (so they make reference to the survey and include a link back to my Substack). Because images can be inaccessible, though, I have also written out the information each image contains. You have my permission to share these images, but only if you credit me and link back either to my Substack, my Instagram, or my Facebook.
There are lots of ways to frame this data. You’ll see, for example, that I give data on the survey population (frequency of sex, for example), as well as data from sub-populations (such as sex frequency among people with unequal relationships). It’s impossible to post all the data here, especially for sub-groups. So if there is something specific you want to know, please post it in the comments and I will try to add. For example, you might want to see how frequently people who have babies have sex.
You may notice that some figures differ slightly from figures I published of the early data. This is because I continued collecting data. The statistics in this post are the most recent, based on the largest sample.
Finally, this email is really long because there’s a ton of data. So if you’re receiving this message in your email, your email server may truncate it. Just click on the link to view in the web browser when you reach the end.
Again, I want to emphasize that this is not scientific data. It is an initial attempt at surveying the landscape, and asking questions I don’t see being asked widely elsewhere. Please reserve your hate mail for men abusing women. Unfortunately, each survey I’ve done has resulted in many long and hateful emails from people decrying my work and my methods and calling me stupid. Ask yourself if you really want to be one of those people.
Consider this a massive trigger warning. Abuse is normalized in relationships between men and women, and you are about to read about a lot of abuse.
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