This is a chill reminder that my book, MODERN FRIENDSHIP, is available for pre-order. Packed with cutting-edge social science, actionable strategies and engaging exercises, MODERN FRIENDSHIP is a groundbreaking guide to navigating the messy world of ambiguous adult friendships. A 14-day Wholehearted Friendship Cleanse is included with the book so you can make impactful changes quickly. If you enjoy this newsletter, I think you’ll dig the book too.
Hello, friends!
Welcome back to Friendship Explained. After launching this newsletter last week, I’ve had hundreds of new sign-ups. So, welcome, everyone!
A quick introduction: my name is Anna Goldfarb. I’ve reported on friendships for the past decade for outlets like the New York Times, The Atlantic, Washington Post, TIME magazine, Vox, Vice and more. My book, MODERN FRIENDSHIP, comes out next year. It’s available for pre-order now as you probably just read up above.
As a friendship obsessive, I’ve noticed there’s a lot of hand-wringing over making friends. Podcasts, articles, books: everyone wants to know where they can find new friends.
Do you need to leave a trail of snacks to trap a friend? Take out a personal ad? Coax them out of a tree with a can of tuna like a skittish woodland animal?
Well, sentient gas station beef jerky snack Matthew McConaughey shares the secret to making friendships in his four-minute speech at the Hollywood Walk of Fame ceremony honoring human porcupine Guy Fieri. Trust me, it’s worth a watch. The speech starts at 19:06 into the clip.
What we learned: Matthew McConaughey, who is allergic to buttoning the top button of his shirts, was traveling across the country 15 years ago in an Airstream when he fell in love with Guy Fieri’s show, Diners, Drive-ins and Dives aka Triple D. (V relatable, imho).
Every friendship needs an ABOUT, something both people are very interested in
One day on the road, McConaughey scored Fieri’s phone number, so he called him up and asked for food recommendations for Spokane, Washington. Fieri happily obliged. So began their friendship based around road stop restaurant picks.
But the real magic happened once the two met later on at McConaughey’s house in LA. During their first in-person hang, they realized that they connected on a deeper level, sharing similar values of faith and family. They also bonded over their experiences staying true to themselves while navigating the trappings of fame.
Every friendship needs an ABOUT, something both people are very interested in.
Matthew and Guy’s initial about was geeking out over restaurants. Their friendship solidified as the about of their friendship evolved and they discovered deeper, more personal commonalities.
Friendship abouts can evolve, become outdated or be absent, too. More on that in my book.
The key takeaway: Deep, life-changing friendships start with a compelling common interest. The intensity of the interest is what creates desire for a particular friendship.
How to use this knowledge: when looking to make friends, lead with your interests. I love writing so I seek out other writers. Now I wrote a book so I’m connecting with other authors who have books. This way we have always have something very interesting (to me! and to them!) to talk about.
If our friendships’ about evolves and we uncover similar values and interests (“You’re obsessed with skin care? So am I!”, for example), both friends will be more more likely to continue their friendship, seek one another out and elevate their friendship in their respective inner circles.
A quick note: Life has been hard the past few years. Now's the perfect time to shake things up and meet cool new people. However, as you probably know, making friends as an adult is dicey, shall we say.
That's why my colleague and friend @katvellos_author created online platonic matchmaking events like this one. The virtual event called "Here to Make Friends" is happening on October 25th from 4pm - 6pm PST, and this installment is tailored for creative non-parents like myself.
Kat's a Connection Coach and author of We Should Get Together: The Secret to Cultivating Better Friendships. A few times a year, she offers to do platonic matchmaking and this is your chance to get it on it!
This event is for you if you’re:
✅ Childfree
✅ In your 30s, 40s or 50s
✅ Fancy yourself a little creative
✅ Want to add some new friends to your life
✅ Want hand-curated friendship matches chosen for you by a friendship expert
Tickets are $99 but you can use coupon code ANNA to save $20. To learn more, visit: weshouldgettogether.com
As always, thanks for reading and exploring these issues with me. If you enjoyed this newsletter, please share it with anyone in your life who you think will dig it too. For smaller authors like me, every bit of help makes a difference.
I’m offering paid posts in order to share original reporting with you all. I also want to create a community with awesome people who are interesting in leveling up their friendships too. Thank you for your support.
Your buddy,
Anna
Instagram: @AnnaGoldfarb
ncG1vNJzZmiZnqOuqLvLnZ2aqpJjwLau0q2YnKNemLyue89orqGZpGK6osDToZywZZ2YsLC6wK6eoZ2pqHq0vMSemqE%3D