I watched Turning Red with my mom and the girls on Friday night, having no idea what it was about or that there was any controversy surrounding it. Then I posted about it on my Instagram story and got tons of DMs about angry moms on facebook warning others not to watch it. To be clear, the DMs were not from angry moms, they were telling me about the angry moms. I googled and found articles about the controversy, but I am unclear about whether there is actual controversy or manufactured controversy. You guys tell me if you have actual evidence in the comments.

What is the controversy exactly? It seems to be about whether an animated Pixar movie should be tackling tween themes like puberty.

I will say, while I loved the movie (my girls did too), I was surprised by some of the content, which includes a scene where the mom thinks her daughter got her period and a major plot point that revolves around the 13yo main character Mei having a sexual awakening about her attraction to a boy. I’m not saying I objected (I think it’s age appropriate for my girls who are 9 and 12, and we are not shy about talking about that stuff at home), but it did surprise me to see those topics in a Pixar movie about a girl who turns into a panda, with animation that looks a bit like Sid the Science Kid. If there is indeed a controversy, maybe it’s because parents with younger children didn’t do their research? Common Sense Media says the movie is for 10+, whereas most Pixar movies are more like 5+. I tend to look up everything before I show my kids (we’ve seen way more mature content than Turning Red!) but it would never occur to me to check on a Pixar movie. But also, if we think menstruation is too mature or embarrassing of a topic for a family movie, perhaps we should be asking why? It can happen to girls as early as age nine. Personally, I think there is something really validating about seeing these themes on screen in a kid’s movie. Turning Red shows kids (and parents!) that puberty, periods, and sexual fantasies are not shameful secrets, but a normal part of growing up. And if you are watching Turning Red with a 5yo, I would think most of this stuff would go over their head.

I should also tell you that while I walked away laughing and loving the movie, my mother did not. I asked her why and she couldn’t quite articulate it. I think the themes of generational trauma (which we saw in Encanto too) maybe struck a cord with her. Mei’s mother has been instructed to behave a certain way (quiet, dignified, working hard, not letting your emotions get the best of her) and she teaches her child to do the same. I come from a family of Holocaust survivors who were taught to not make waves and blend in, so I can relate. I also think younger generations are being taught much more openly about sexuality, particularly to not associate desire with shame, and older generations aren’t always on board with that mentality. Shame is often used to dissuade young girls from participating in sexual activity too early (mostly unsuccessfully) and the fact that this is incredibly unhealthy in the long run, has only been recognized more recently.

If indeed the controversy is real, I am trying to figure out why people might be reacting differently to Mei’s sexual awakening and rebellion than they did to say…Ariel’s in the Little Mermaid or Anna’s obsession with meeting a boy in Frozen. I’ve read some articles where they suggest that Mei’s Chinese ethnicity has something to do with it. That people expect her to be more subdued and obedient. I suspect it also has to do with her age. Google tells me that Ariel is 16 and Anna is 18, so maybe it feels different to witness a girl’s very first crush at 13. Also, Mei is not focused on love. She is focused on attraction. We see her noticing the muscle in a boy’s shoulder, drawing a picture of him with abs, and then the intense embarrassment she feels as a result. She turns red, starts sweating and throws her notebook under her bed. It is a feeling she can’t control.

When Mei’s mother discovers the drawings, she gets very angry with her daughter. She makes Mei feel even more shame than she is already feeling and then assumes that the boy must have violated her, because why else would her innocent daughter be thinking this way? She takes Mei to the store where the boy works to yell at him, presents the offending drawings to him as proof of his wrongdoing and effectively humiliates Mei in front of all her peers.

My immediate reaction was to tell the girls that Mei’s mom had overreacted, should never have made Mei feel shame for liking a boy (which is totally normal!) and that I would never do this to them. My girls both said, “We know, mom!”

I think maybe that is the other thing that parents are uncomfortable with. That the movie depicts the mother making some bad choices. She is loving but overprotective, and the story ultimately shows how this parenting style can backfire.

Mei tries to control her feelings to please her mom, but raging hormones in Mei’s family present a particular “coming of age” challenge— whenever she can’t control her emotions, she turns into a Red Panda until she can calm herself down. Initially, Mei is mortified by the panda, but then learns that her friends love every aspect of her, panda included, and begins to embrace the change. Instead of the panda coming out only when she is angry, Mei is able to bring out her panda to show off her goofy, silly side as well. Mei’s mother’s side of the family has a long tradition of keeping their red panda persona locked away (literally in a locket), and so Mei, who is beginning to embrace that side of herself, has to hide it from her mother by lying and sneaking around.

Part of the “controversy” appears to be that Turning Red glorifies misbehavior and a child lying to her mom. Again, every movie about kids since the beginning of time depicts characters that rebel against their parents (Ariel, Nemo, Luca, Rapunzel), so what is it about Mei’s story that parents are finding particularly objectionable? Maybe it’s the unapologetic depiction of 13yo girls. Mei and her friends are not quiet wallflowers waiting for their Prince Charming. They are diverse, enthusiastic, confident, goofy kids who seem to embrace themselves for who they are, without conforming to any one standard. Maybe people don’t like to see girls acting in ways to please themselves as opposed to ways to please others, like their parents or boys.

Mei ultimately chooses to keep her Red Panda side instead of hiding it away, which means embracing her whole self as opposed to burying the messy emotional difficult parts that might be a little less easy for her family to love and accept. The lesson is two fold…

For kids, you should feel free to be who you are, even if that doesn’t meet your parents expectations. Living as your true self is a form of freedom. Letting yourself experience big emotions will make you a healthier and happier person than trying to repress them.

For parents, the lesson is that by trying to control who your kids are, you risk losing them. Perhaps that’s a message some parents don’t want to hear.

Did you see the movie? What did you think?

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